This is eerie, as I recently finished Mary Kay Ash's 1984 book "On People Management"- which I bought specifically because I read that she was credited with introducing "the compliment sandwich" and was curious about the background.
Given the time and her employee base (ie mostly women who probably had not earned an income before), I can see why she used this method.
But times have changed! You're right, Adam - there is a better way!
Thank you. Subtext of this conversation is that you have respect for the person providing the feedback. Feedback lands differently from those walking the talk. I've experienced both - feedback from a leader I respected greatly and feedback from a less than ethical/emotionally disciplined leaders. Guess what the volume was from the less than ethical leader - turned way down. I do believe that there is value in even the most poorly delivered feedback but the work is on the receiver to mine it.
Whoa the compliment sandwich is still a better treat than being hit over the head with negatives, but love the way this newer approach turns this into a two way conversation
Doesn't this amount to a call for sincerity, no matter how you slice the sandwich? That is, if your alternative four ingredients are just as performative as the obligatory compliments, won't most people be as resigned or disinterested in the criticism as otherwise? E.g., if you don't have the person's back, if you are just pretending to take yourself off a pedestal, if the person understands that you're not seriously making feedback an optional choice, and if the dialogue isn't actually dialogic--e.g., if you're not prepared to hear that your observations are actually incorrect--then it seems to me this is no different than the compliment sandwich in terms of whether it succeeds or not.
It is an interesting read, but something else must be stated too. What is a relationship/attitude toward the person who is giving a feedback? If the attitude is positive and receptive, the feedback may be considered as thoughtful and opened for a discussion, when both sides benefit. If the attitude is negative to begin with, sandwich or no sandwich, it’s difficult to impossible to make the feedback work.
That's not a compliment sandwich. It's a shit sandwich because that's what's in the middle. It only worked when no one knew about the strategy. Now, everyone knows.
No one ever hungers for a compliment sandwich and frequently they recognize the sandwich before the first bite is taken. Managers will take the time to dream up two compliments to make a sandwich, but too often it's the only time a compliment is spoken.
THIS!! Why do we want to train people to be afraid of compliments if they are only attached to shame sandwiches!?!? Give compliments often and make time for behaviorally specific feed-forward conversations.
Learned a lot here. Thank you. Have recently moved away from serving compliment sandwiches & have really tried embracing leveling the playing field. Open with the fact: “we’re both trying to get it right.”
This piece couldn’t have resonated more with me. When I started my career, my manager kept using the sandwich method to give me feedback and all I heard was how awesome I was, which wasn’t conducive to my growing. Your advice also applies to parenting - not every kid will “hear” it but sets a good foundation. Thank you for writing this and sharing.
It was an interesting read. I have felt this way before when I was in a similar situation. I wonder if this concept can be applied to non-professional settings as well.
Back in the 80's we called this a sh*t sandwich and to be avoided for similar reasons. There is nothing wrong with direct feedback and specific recommendations. If the CEO is truly looking for a path forward any recommendations should be appreciated.
The absolutely best thing that happened to me as a professor giving feedback to students was coming across someone who suggested giving negative and positive feedback as “X (positive) AND Y (negative)” rather than “X but Y”. It was so purely logical -- the positive and negative almost always really were separate things, with the aspects that needed work not detracting from the strong aspects that one wanted to point out. It also got rid of the sandwich structure.
While I appreciate all of the different varieties of feedback sandwiches out there, at what point in time are we going to recognize that this practice still tends to support ego fragility (ego immaturity?) while at the same time requiring the feedback giver to be conversationally advanced (and dare I say, extroverted, college educated, and of a certain gender and skin complexion)? We want to avoid shaming the person by blaming their being. What we want is a behavior to shift so that we can achieve a particular outcome. No sandwiches needed - "This [behavior] that you're doing is not producing [the outcome] that we collaboratively desire." Investigate, iterate, and innovate how we might shift our collective behaviors from there.
In a yoga teacher training module I finished this past weekend, we were focused on being direct vs passive in our cueing. A compliment sandwich is passive feedback. The directive in the middle is lost in fluff. There is value in explaining the what, how, and why of feedback. What is a potential challenge or opportunity for growth, brainstorm ways to achieve better results, and why it is important. The solution is the focus rather than the initial behavior or character flaw. Grant again is spot on...
This is eerie, as I recently finished Mary Kay Ash's 1984 book "On People Management"- which I bought specifically because I read that she was credited with introducing "the compliment sandwich" and was curious about the background.
Given the time and her employee base (ie mostly women who probably had not earned an income before), I can see why she used this method.
But times have changed! You're right, Adam - there is a better way!
Thank you. Subtext of this conversation is that you have respect for the person providing the feedback. Feedback lands differently from those walking the talk. I've experienced both - feedback from a leader I respected greatly and feedback from a less than ethical/emotionally disciplined leaders. Guess what the volume was from the less than ethical leader - turned way down. I do believe that there is value in even the most poorly delivered feedback but the work is on the receiver to mine it.
Whoa the compliment sandwich is still a better treat than being hit over the head with negatives, but love the way this newer approach turns this into a two way conversation
Doesn't this amount to a call for sincerity, no matter how you slice the sandwich? That is, if your alternative four ingredients are just as performative as the obligatory compliments, won't most people be as resigned or disinterested in the criticism as otherwise? E.g., if you don't have the person's back, if you are just pretending to take yourself off a pedestal, if the person understands that you're not seriously making feedback an optional choice, and if the dialogue isn't actually dialogic--e.g., if you're not prepared to hear that your observations are actually incorrect--then it seems to me this is no different than the compliment sandwich in terms of whether it succeeds or not.
It is an interesting read, but something else must be stated too. What is a relationship/attitude toward the person who is giving a feedback? If the attitude is positive and receptive, the feedback may be considered as thoughtful and opened for a discussion, when both sides benefit. If the attitude is negative to begin with, sandwich or no sandwich, it’s difficult to impossible to make the feedback work.
That's not a compliment sandwich. It's a shit sandwich because that's what's in the middle. It only worked when no one knew about the strategy. Now, everyone knows.
No one ever hungers for a compliment sandwich and frequently they recognize the sandwich before the first bite is taken. Managers will take the time to dream up two compliments to make a sandwich, but too often it's the only time a compliment is spoken.
THIS!! Why do we want to train people to be afraid of compliments if they are only attached to shame sandwiches!?!? Give compliments often and make time for behaviorally specific feed-forward conversations.
Learned a lot here. Thank you. Have recently moved away from serving compliment sandwiches & have really tried embracing leveling the playing field. Open with the fact: “we’re both trying to get it right.”
This piece couldn’t have resonated more with me. When I started my career, my manager kept using the sandwich method to give me feedback and all I heard was how awesome I was, which wasn’t conducive to my growing. Your advice also applies to parenting - not every kid will “hear” it but sets a good foundation. Thank you for writing this and sharing.
If nothing else, that opening line is absolutely perfect. I could have used it many times in the past… But I am glad to have it in my arsenal now!
It was an interesting read. I have felt this way before when I was in a similar situation. I wonder if this concept can be applied to non-professional settings as well.
Back in the 80's we called this a sh*t sandwich and to be avoided for similar reasons. There is nothing wrong with direct feedback and specific recommendations. If the CEO is truly looking for a path forward any recommendations should be appreciated.
The absolutely best thing that happened to me as a professor giving feedback to students was coming across someone who suggested giving negative and positive feedback as “X (positive) AND Y (negative)” rather than “X but Y”. It was so purely logical -- the positive and negative almost always really were separate things, with the aspects that needed work not detracting from the strong aspects that one wanted to point out. It also got rid of the sandwich structure.
While I appreciate all of the different varieties of feedback sandwiches out there, at what point in time are we going to recognize that this practice still tends to support ego fragility (ego immaturity?) while at the same time requiring the feedback giver to be conversationally advanced (and dare I say, extroverted, college educated, and of a certain gender and skin complexion)? We want to avoid shaming the person by blaming their being. What we want is a behavior to shift so that we can achieve a particular outcome. No sandwiches needed - "This [behavior] that you're doing is not producing [the outcome] that we collaboratively desire." Investigate, iterate, and innovate how we might shift our collective behaviors from there.
In a yoga teacher training module I finished this past weekend, we were focused on being direct vs passive in our cueing. A compliment sandwich is passive feedback. The directive in the middle is lost in fluff. There is value in explaining the what, how, and why of feedback. What is a potential challenge or opportunity for growth, brainstorm ways to achieve better results, and why it is important. The solution is the focus rather than the initial behavior or character flaw. Grant again is spot on...
I love this! This article really demonstrates how our choice of our words is such a powerful tool!