Why you’re not an impostor and you don’t need a best friend
How quickly someone answers you is rarely a sign of how much they care about you. Delayed replies to emails, texts, and calls are often symptoms of being overextended or overwhelmed.
Unless it's urgent, the true test of a relationship isn't the speed of response. It's the quality of attention.
Here are the ideas and evidence that have captured my attention lately:
1. “Best Friends” Are a Surprisingly Recent Phenomenon (Jaya Saxena, Atlantic)
The average person has at least 3 close friends. We don't have to rank them or rely on one for everything. Friendship is about mutuality, not exclusivity.
2. Americans Are Fake and the Dutch Are Rude (Batja Mesquita, Behavioral Scientist)
A fascinating read on the psychology of cultural differences in communication.
3. The Dubious Rise of Impostor Syndrome (Leslie Jamison, New Yorker)
Feeling like an impostor is a paradox. Others believe in you, you don't believe in yourself, yet you believe yourself instead of them. If you doubt yourself, shouldn't you also doubt your judgment of yourself? When multiple people believe in you, it might be time to believe them.
From my desk
4. Read: What CEOs Are Getting Wrong About the Future of Work (WSJ)
I’m seeing too many leaders cling to old convictions instead of testing new ideas. Those who fail to experiment fail to learn.
5. Watch: How to Get New Perspective in the New Year (Today Show)
I share one of the most important lessons I’ve learned about facing fear.
6. Listen:
Bringing out the good in kids—and parents—with Becky Kennedy. Apple | Spotify | Transcript
Estonia’s prime minister Kaja Kallas on leading with strength and sincerity. Apple | Spotify | Transcript
The science of healthy relationships with John and Julie Gottman. Apple | Spotify | Transcript
In solidarity,
Adam
Your opening point is a helpful reminder. I struggle with this - I always think if someone doesn't respond, they are ignoring me, even though deep down I know that isn't the case. With email, I've found that if I can't respond to someone immediately, or need to provide an answer that requires deeper thought, sending a quick note that I will respond later helps set expectations (ties in with quality of response). I also appreciate when others do this.
Fascinating stuff re: the imposter syndrome. I was reading yesterday in Michel de Montaigne’s essays and he mentioned it extensively in his essay on “presumptions” and how he suffered from it massively. He didn’t call it imposter syndrome, but he alluded to the fact that he’s the worst in having confidence in his skills, while the others value them more than him, talking about his writing in that case..