There’s More to the Mental Health Crisis Than Smartphones and Social Media

Young adults are increasingly stressed and depressed by the fear of other people’s judgment.

In the past few years, parents and teachers have become acutely aware of the risks of smartphones and social media to young people. I’m glad to see schools banning smartphones; I was thrilled to see Australia set 16 as the minimum age for social media and I hope many countries will follow that lead. But protecting kids digitally isn’t enough to protect them emotionally.

Hot off the presses: Psychologists analyzed 307 studies of nearly 83,000 students over 35 years across the U.S., U.K., and Canada. It turns out that perfectionism has been accelerating over time. Young adults feel growing pressure to be flawless—and it started a generation before smartphones and social media.

The spike is especially pronounced for concerns about making mistakes and being seen negatively by others. And this fear of judgment is a significant risk factor for anxiety and depression.

Modern technology may be an amplifier, but it isn’t the root cause. Perfectionism stems from unreasonably demanding expectations and unduly harsh criticism. It’s stoked by the parents who punish their kids for getting an A-, the teachers who embarrass their students for getting a math problem wrong, and the coaches who berate their athletes for missing a shot.

To counter perfectionism, here are some basic messages that parents, teachers, and coaches can reinforce:

1. Mistakes don’t make you a failure. They make you a learner.

2. Achievements are not a symbol of your worth. They’re a snapshot of your performance.

3. Beating yourself up doesn’t make you stronger; it leaves you bruised. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to a good friend.

4. It’s impossible to please everyone. Decide whose opinion matters to you—and whose doesn’t.

5. Character is not revealed by how many setbacks you face. It’s forged by how you face them.

6. People gauge your competence mostly by your hits, not your misses.

7. The objective is not to be the best; it’s to get better. The person you’re competing with is your past self, and the bar you’re setting is for your future self.

8. Our biggest regrets aren’t actions—they’re inactions. Don’t set yourself up to wish you’d taken more chances.

9. Healthy goals include two targets: an aspirational result and an acceptable outcome. If you fall anywhere between them, you haven’t failed.

10. Success is not a straight line. It’s a squiggly line.

For more on combating perfectionism, see Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown, The Perfection Trap by Thomas Curran, and my podcast on breaking up with perfectionism.

And for daily insights on these themes and more, check out my 2027 calendar: