I absolutely loved the post yesterday and found it so refreshing. I was shocked at the vitriol the keyboard warriors on your Instagram post. Thank you for speaking up about the virtues of choosing your battles and how its ok to be selective about what we speak on.
I thought the same thing. Weird to see so many people getting offended by someone choosing not to respond to every provocation. Also the positive comments here reinforce the difference in the Substack community and much of the rest of social media.
This reminds me of the Quaker adage, “Let your life speak,” echoed in the great Parker Palmer’s book by the same title. Not all commitments need to be broadcast—sometimes the truest signal is in consistent action animating one's values, not public declaration. Keep letting your life speak, Adam!
It's a delight when someone appreciates Parker Palmer's book (and the Quakers'), “Let your life speak.” I even used his "Circles of Trust" as an example in my book of another way to hold a business meeting.... So much the business world can learn from him. Thank you Guybe.
Adam - thank you thank you THANK YOU for being a voice for grounded, empathetic, logical, discussion. You are a peacemaker and we need those now more than ever.
I hope the voices of the few thousand who haven’t yet developed the skill of empathetic listening and open minded discussion doesn’t sway you at all!!!
Your entire career is about making normative claims—about leadership, workplace culture, prejudice, and power. In this essay alone, you judge activists, public pressure campaigns, and shaming tactics. You clearly don’t object to making judgments. Your essay is full of them. What you object to is a particular kind of judgment: criticism directed at influential people for their public choices.
If selective engagement is your principle, explain it. What distinguishes the causes you amplify from the ones you decline? Why should readers view that distinction as consistent with the values you claim—generosity, learning, freedom, and integrity?
That’s what integrity means: not just the freedom to make choices, but the willingness to defend those choices according to the principles you claim to hold.
Finite resources are real, but capacity is not distributed equally. Some people have far more freedom than others to decide where their attention goes. Some people’s time and energy are consumed by systems and conditions they did not choose. Treating finite capacity as though it affects everyone in the same way obscures those differences.
Hi Candis, thanks for weighing in. In psychology, defending your choices is not integrity; it's accountability (see Lerner & Tetlock, 1999). In my view, I’m accountable to my family, my students, my employer, and myself—not to people on the internet.
That said, I’m happy to answer your question. My causes are aligned with my expertise; they include promoting education and critical thinking, improving leadership and workplaces, building character, kindness, and self-awareness, and feminism. I amplify ideas and evidence in those areas and weigh in personally when I have novel and useful perspectives to contribute.
Also, I’d like to correct a few misconceptions here. I value and actively seek criticism every day, to the point that my students, collaborators, and editors have criticized me for asking for too much criticism. I'm not objecting to criticism—I'm objecting to judging people's character based on whether they choose to use social media for activism. And I'm not just objecting to attacks on influential people; I'm objecting to attacks on any individual, no matter how influential.
Resonated with your comment Candis. I see in his post that Adam has been critical of Myers Briggs & Astrology. If he actually understood them he would see that the MBTI is very much about understanding your own unique gifts & appreciating that we are all different & appreciating these differences in others. In-depth astrology (not sun sign astrology) can also very helpful in understanding ourselves & others better.
Thank you so much for this, Adam. I wish more individuals would speak in this way, with the nuance that is so critical today. Not everything is black and white. And I find the division and polarization culture frightening. Thanks again 🙌🏻
Yes, and that is very sad. Many individuals and groups today want simple, tribal, us-versus-them answers. The ability to see complexity and middle ground has become almost taboo in public conversation. It is disheartening to say the least.
It makes me sad that you had to follow up with this. I would think that those who follow and support your work have a pretty good idea about who you are and what your core values are. Thanks again for taking the high road and doing your best to help us all grow in the most positive ways possible.
Please continue to always be who you are Adam. I’ll speak for myself, but I have to imagine that others feel the same: I have a deep and abiding respect for you and how you think. And when you stay true to your convictions and values it gives me the courage to do the same. My research and work revolves around judgment and how much it impacts our thoughts, feelings and behavior. And spoiler: it’s a loooooot :)
I loved the poem as it resonated deeply with me. Thank you for taking time today to share your deeper reasoning. The world needs more tolerance and respect
Hi Adam, as someone who listens to almost every podcast you create and has read most of your books, I felt that I understood your poem. (I could even relate to a good portion of it!) However, I'll admit that I was initially confused by the "tongue and cheek" approach. I think it's just because I am mostly used to seeing posts from you that are long-form and/or research-based. So, it took me a second to reorient myself to the poem's style. Now seeing today's post, it reminds me about the Curiosity Shop episode when you and Brene talked about how she couldn't tell you were joking at one point while working together, and it caused a negative impact. Maybe there's a connection between these moments? I'm not implying that you were joking yesterday, but rather that the approach was different than "normal" and maybe surprising. What do you think?
Finally, just want to appreciate you, Adam! Thank you very much for your candor and thought leadership.
It is way more difficult (and more courageous) teaching people HOW to think than merely telling them WHAT to think. Keep focusing your energy on the former, and ignore the latter.
Beautiful response. Clear on your values, principles and the change you want to make in the world. And you kindly and generously called out the attacks, demonization and polarization that serves no one and nothing. I'm going to use it the leadership program I teach. Thanks for giving us an example of how to disagree well in challenging times.
Getting involved in multiple causes or posting about them without some level of personal engagement in them is also a surefire way to become emotionally exhausted. If people have a personal passion for a cause, they should find people with large platforms who share their interests as opposed to expecting any well known person to post about them. The presumptuousness surprises me.
Thank you for this brace of posts. I try to relate that I can’t live in a constant stew of alarm. If I am overwhelmed and angry I will not have the faculties to act thoughtfully and efficiently. Thank you for bringing your observations forward.
It’s important for people to also learn from what you are doing. There are too many causes and too much information. It’s somewhat stoic virtue here. Need to teach others your way.
Well said! I did read your poem and gave a cringe knowing you were going to get "feedback". As you state: "Most of our divides aren’t due to opposing values. They’re due to different views on how to live similar values." so please have the conversation to understand how they are living there values before you throw hate at someone. Thank you!
I absolutely loved the post yesterday and found it so refreshing. I was shocked at the vitriol the keyboard warriors on your Instagram post. Thank you for speaking up about the virtues of choosing your battles and how its ok to be selective about what we speak on.
I thought the same thing. Weird to see so many people getting offended by someone choosing not to respond to every provocation. Also the positive comments here reinforce the difference in the Substack community and much of the rest of social media.
This reminds me of the Quaker adage, “Let your life speak,” echoed in the great Parker Palmer’s book by the same title. Not all commitments need to be broadcast—sometimes the truest signal is in consistent action animating one's values, not public declaration. Keep letting your life speak, Adam!
It's a delight when someone appreciates Parker Palmer's book (and the Quakers'), “Let your life speak.” I even used his "Circles of Trust" as an example in my book of another way to hold a business meeting.... So much the business world can learn from him. Thank you Guybe.
Adam - thank you thank you THANK YOU for being a voice for grounded, empathetic, logical, discussion. You are a peacemaker and we need those now more than ever.
I hope the voices of the few thousand who haven’t yet developed the skill of empathetic listening and open minded discussion doesn’t sway you at all!!!
Hi. I’d like to push back here.
Your entire career is about making normative claims—about leadership, workplace culture, prejudice, and power. In this essay alone, you judge activists, public pressure campaigns, and shaming tactics. You clearly don’t object to making judgments. Your essay is full of them. What you object to is a particular kind of judgment: criticism directed at influential people for their public choices.
If selective engagement is your principle, explain it. What distinguishes the causes you amplify from the ones you decline? Why should readers view that distinction as consistent with the values you claim—generosity, learning, freedom, and integrity?
That’s what integrity means: not just the freedom to make choices, but the willingness to defend those choices according to the principles you claim to hold.
Finite resources are real, but capacity is not distributed equally. Some people have far more freedom than others to decide where their attention goes. Some people’s time and energy are consumed by systems and conditions they did not choose. Treating finite capacity as though it affects everyone in the same way obscures those differences.
Hi Candis, thanks for weighing in. In psychology, defending your choices is not integrity; it's accountability (see Lerner & Tetlock, 1999). In my view, I’m accountable to my family, my students, my employer, and myself—not to people on the internet.
That said, I’m happy to answer your question. My causes are aligned with my expertise; they include promoting education and critical thinking, improving leadership and workplaces, building character, kindness, and self-awareness, and feminism. I amplify ideas and evidence in those areas and weigh in personally when I have novel and useful perspectives to contribute.
Also, I’d like to correct a few misconceptions here. I value and actively seek criticism every day, to the point that my students, collaborators, and editors have criticized me for asking for too much criticism. I'm not objecting to criticism—I'm objecting to judging people's character based on whether they choose to use social media for activism. And I'm not just objecting to attacks on influential people; I'm objecting to attacks on any individual, no matter how influential.
Resonated with your comment Candis. I see in his post that Adam has been critical of Myers Briggs & Astrology. If he actually understood them he would see that the MBTI is very much about understanding your own unique gifts & appreciating that we are all different & appreciating these differences in others. In-depth astrology (not sun sign astrology) can also very helpful in understanding ourselves & others better.
Thank you so much for this, Adam. I wish more individuals would speak in this way, with the nuance that is so critical today. Not everything is black and white. And I find the division and polarization culture frightening. Thanks again 🙌🏻
Sadly, I think nuance is a four letter word to most.
Yes, and that is very sad. Many individuals and groups today want simple, tribal, us-versus-them answers. The ability to see complexity and middle ground has become almost taboo in public conversation. It is disheartening to say the least.
It makes me sad that you had to follow up with this. I would think that those who follow and support your work have a pretty good idea about who you are and what your core values are. Thanks again for taking the high road and doing your best to help us all grow in the most positive ways possible.
Please continue to always be who you are Adam. I’ll speak for myself, but I have to imagine that others feel the same: I have a deep and abiding respect for you and how you think. And when you stay true to your convictions and values it gives me the courage to do the same. My research and work revolves around judgment and how much it impacts our thoughts, feelings and behavior. And spoiler: it’s a loooooot :)
Thank you. Sincerely.
really!
I loved the poem as it resonated deeply with me. Thank you for taking time today to share your deeper reasoning. The world needs more tolerance and respect
Hi Adam, as someone who listens to almost every podcast you create and has read most of your books, I felt that I understood your poem. (I could even relate to a good portion of it!) However, I'll admit that I was initially confused by the "tongue and cheek" approach. I think it's just because I am mostly used to seeing posts from you that are long-form and/or research-based. So, it took me a second to reorient myself to the poem's style. Now seeing today's post, it reminds me about the Curiosity Shop episode when you and Brene talked about how she couldn't tell you were joking at one point while working together, and it caused a negative impact. Maybe there's a connection between these moments? I'm not implying that you were joking yesterday, but rather that the approach was different than "normal" and maybe surprising. What do you think?
Finally, just want to appreciate you, Adam! Thank you very much for your candor and thought leadership.
Grateful for you raising the bar...thoughtfully and intentionally on discourse.
It is way more difficult (and more courageous) teaching people HOW to think than merely telling them WHAT to think. Keep focusing your energy on the former, and ignore the latter.
Beautiful response. Clear on your values, principles and the change you want to make in the world. And you kindly and generously called out the attacks, demonization and polarization that serves no one and nothing. I'm going to use it the leadership program I teach. Thanks for giving us an example of how to disagree well in challenging times.
Getting involved in multiple causes or posting about them without some level of personal engagement in them is also a surefire way to become emotionally exhausted. If people have a personal passion for a cause, they should find people with large platforms who share their interests as opposed to expecting any well known person to post about them. The presumptuousness surprises me.
Thank you for this brace of posts. I try to relate that I can’t live in a constant stew of alarm. If I am overwhelmed and angry I will not have the faculties to act thoughtfully and efficiently. Thank you for bringing your observations forward.
It’s important for people to also learn from what you are doing. There are too many causes and too much information. It’s somewhat stoic virtue here. Need to teach others your way.
Unfortunately the people who need to hear it the most are not likely to be reading this
Well said! I did read your poem and gave a cringe knowing you were going to get "feedback". As you state: "Most of our divides aren’t due to opposing values. They’re due to different views on how to live similar values." so please have the conversation to understand how they are living there values before you throw hate at someone. Thank you!