GRANTED: A more nuanced view of empathy, confidence, and culture fit
When people disappoint you, it's not due to their actions. It's because their actions fell short of your expectations.
You can't control what people do, but you can choose not to let their actions drive your emotions. Be clearer about your expectations—or set more realistic ones.
Some articles for better calibrating your expectations:
1. Employee Emotions Aren’t Noise—They’re Data (MIT SMR)
The emotions people feel are a signal of whether a culture is toxic or healthy. The emotions people accept and reject are a window into what’s valued in a culture.
2. Empathy is Tearing Us Apart (Wired)
It doesn't matter how much empathy you feel for your group if it leads you to devalue other groups. We need more rational compassion: reflective concern for people different from us. You don't have to share their feelings to care about their feelings.
3. The Self-Confidence Tipping Point (Atlantic)
Narcissism doesn't come from being unloved as a child. It stems from being told you're special and superior. Kids need a sense of worth, not a sense of entitlement. We should teach them that they're good—not that they're better than others.
4. Hiring for Culture Fit Doesn’t Have to Undermine Diversity (HBR)
It’s a mistake to hire people with similar traits and backgrounds, but that shouldn’t stop you from hiring people with similar principles. Diversity of personality and experience brings fresh ideas and complementary skills. Shared values promote commitment and collaboration.
From My Desk:
5. Frustrated at Work? That Might Just Lead to Your Next Breakthrough (NYT)
Discount disgruntled colleagues at your own risk. When they feel committed and supported, dissatisfaction can energize them to find new solutions to old problems.